Items and Thoughts for a Monday Morning
1) Yet another NYTimes link, and yet another editorial about Intelligent Design. I gotta say, this guy has me on the side of the scientists in regards to what should be taught in school. Some fascinating stuff in here. That said, I still don't see why we can't all get along.
2) Speaking of which, why, if I believe in good will towards all people, including those from other countries, does that make me unpatriotic? Why do things need to boil down to some "America first" idea? Doesn't that intrinsicly set us up to oppress and discriminate on the basis of our nationality? Wouldn't it be better to look for the greatest good, and let the patriotism take care of itself? Political pundits will talk about America-hating liberals, but I think that misses the point. I don't hate America, I just don't hate anyone else. There's a difference. I don't have a link. I just hear stuff about his all the time.
3) I saw Mary J. Blige live video on some cable channel this weekend, and I've decided...15 years late...that she is absolutely, whithout question, the real deal. The clip is here...go to "Children of the Ghetto". (You need Real Player and a high speed connection.) Don't get better than this. God, what a great band, too.
4) I saw a clip of Mariah Carey on the VMA's last night, and I'm thinking...wha, huh, how? First of all, her new single is great. She's still the real deal in the vox dept and she can write a tune. She's not prolific or vital as a songwriter, but I don't demand that of pop singers. Her performance of her new tune was a "remix", which means it was sped up and changed, and this was not for the better. She lost all her groove and the lyrics were forced. Too bad. She's relying on tricks when she should rely on her talent. In a similar veign, her silly looking boobs were so huge that I thought she was going to float away. She doesn't need that. Just sing and we'll all be happy, because she's good enough without looking ridiculous. I take her less seriously because of how she looks, which is too bad because she's good.
5) Good luck to everyone down south this morning. Scary stuff.
6) I'm writing like Larry King.
7) After writing all of this, I'm most interested in how good the Mary J. Blige clip is.
posted by Teodoro Callate @ 8:46 AM
11 comments
11 Comments:
I'm with you on Mary J., and although I have one of her records, mostly, she needs to be seen. I also have to agree that calling Mariah's boobs "silly-looking" is one of the funniest, and most accurate, descriptions I've ever heard.
You are getting a bit of a Larry King vibe going there. Quite funny.
I watched - with the able and much appreciated assistance of TiVo, so I could start watching late and then skip through the dull bits - the VMAs last night. As usual the hype was pretty enormous and the event was rather pedestrian. A few quick thoughts:
1. Mariah Carey remains talented and remarkably uncoordinated. Have you ever noticed that they never have her move much? She is as physically graceful as a newborn giraffe.
2. R. Kelly? Trapped in the Closet? Who thought that was a good idea? The guy is unquestionably a talent, but I don't think I've ever seen the kind of wasted effort in anyone that we've seen in his career over the past few years. Trapped in the Closet is possibly the dumbest idea I've ever seen a label greenlight. No, scratch that - Mr. Roboto is dumber. Trapped in the Closet is #2, but it puts R. Kelly in the same category with Dennis DeYoung, one of the greatest cheeseballs of all time, and that's a bad sign for his career.
3. MTV's slogan for the evening: "Anything can happen." Seems like very little actually did. We were promised big surprises and got...M.C. Hammer? That was fun but it was about the extent of "surprise" for the evening. I was expecting something a little more surprising than a duet between Kanye West and Jamie Foxx. Throw me a bone, people.
4. Is there any style of music other than hip hop? Based on the show, I'm guessing that the answer is no. Sure, we had performances from Green Day, Coldplay, My Chemical Romance, and Kelly Clarkson (who struggled to hear her monitors, poor thing), but everything else was hip hop. Wait, I forgot the Shakira thing. Pretty much beyond that was three hours of hip hop. I know every article says "Rock Reigns at VMAs", but I sure felt like it was a hip hop show interrupted by occassional songs from other styles.
5. Did Jeremy Piven accidentally go straight up racist during the show? It was more than a little awkward when he offered to help Lil' Kim turn her prison cell "ghetto fabulous".
6. The visuals - especially with the water theme - were jaw-dropping. MTV can put on a visual display like nobody else.
7. Snoop gives $50,000 of charity money to the Snoop Football League. I guess Doctors Without Borders and Habitat for Humanity have all the cash they need. Aw, c'mon, how can I get mad at Snoop? You do whatever you want, Snoop. We a'ight.
8. Who doesn't like Welch's purple grape juice? (Now I'm Larry King.)
9. I love Coldplay and I'm not ashamed to say it. Still, it was funny to see how NO ONE WAS DANCING OR MOVING IN ANY NOTICEABLE WAY when they played "Speed of Sound". Everyone was just emoting or something. Every other artist had the crowd jumping up and down the whole time - except R. Kelly, but that was just odd - and Coldplay just got everyone brooding.
10. Jay Z was just cool. That's his gig: "I'm Jay Z and I'm cool. Check out how cool I am." And he is - he's just cool. Snoop does the cool thing pretty well too, but Jay Z just is cool. Dang. There are some guys who are just cool by nature: Jay Z, Lenny Kravitz, Tom Jones - and I aspire to be that cool. I don't think Jay Z presented anything or performed, as I recall - he just sat there being cool. And everyone walking by him stopped to say hey. Even Green Day.
11. Can we all agree to pronounce 50 Cent's name as "fiddy cent"? And that dude is really, really big. His arms are the size of my legs. That dude spends some time in the gym.
12. Lest I complain too much, I need to bear in mind that this is the same network that brought us Pauly Shore, and he was gracefully absent from the "surprises".
13. And, lest I become the typcial playa hater (or however it should be spelled), let's all bear in mind that as these people performed, I sat on my sofa. Final scoreboard is anyone who was on the show: 1, me: 0.
8) Kev, this post should be on it's own, rather than hidden as a response. Youz too good to hide yo sef.
9) Can't get down on Snoop, cause at least he's giving something back to the kidz, which not everyone does. I kinda dig that he has his own football league.
10) Fitty Cent is large, but not that charismatic when standing inside fire.
11) I watched about 10 minutes of the whole thing, so I'll take your word on the rest.
12) Mariah is practically immobile since she gained weight and boobs. 10 years ago she was kinda "boppy" in a fun, natural way. Now she's kinda boobs, boobs, more boobs, and ungracefully standing still.
13) I'm still most interested in Mary J. And Betsy, I agree...every live clip I see from her is right on the money. She's the real deal.
Thanks Teo for the article about ID. I've been away from my desktop and my usual news blogs so this little infusion of science and reason is a welcome back.
I can't seem to play the M. J. clips, don't know why.
What is a Larry King vibe?
Keep trying that MJB clip. 'tis worth it.
Larry King used to (maybe still does) have a column (imagine that...a column!) in USA Today. The column consisted of sparse, terse, non-related ideas. Like this:
Baseball is fun to watch. Especially at nap time.
Peas are very good for you, but they can be mushy.
Has anyone ever noticed that Henry Kissenger is not from America? At least he doesn't sound like it.
Sure hope everyone in New Orleans has a few spare umbrellas.
My garden hose has a kink in it. Gotta get that fixed by the weekend.
And that, my friends, is my true Larry King column impersonation.
Teo,
That may be the best Larry King article impersonation ever. I'm laughing very hard.
No, I can't criticize Snoop. It was kind of funny that his money was going to the "Snoop Football League", but how can anybody get on Snoop's case? Snoop is Snoop. I'm just sorry that it's not called the "Snoop Footbizzle Lizzle".
---
My Larry King article impersonation:
Al Roker is the most underrated weatherman in America. When that man says it will rain, pack your slicker.
I can't find my favorite pen. It has blue ink and writes like a dream.
I read a book by John Grisham last month and it was a page turner about a young lawyer who discovers a big illegal something-or-other in the south. Go buy it.
For my money, the Flintstones were the greatest cartoon family in the history of TV. Second place goes to The Jetsons, although it's a tough competition with those delightful kids from Fat Albert, even though they weren't a family.
Portland, Oregon is a great town and a delightful place to eat seafood.
When it comes to North Korea, I wonder if they might have nukes.
What is it about stream-of-consciousness diatribes from crotchety old coots? It seems like Andy Rooney and Paul Harvey should just hang it up.
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That's fun. I could do that all day.
Very good, gentlemen.
I have never seen or heard from this fellow but have gotten here a very clear idea of his, uhnm, characteristics.
Nice work as always. Who knew it would be fun to pretend to be Larry King? I say we all give it a shot.
Andy Rooney: i vote yes to his existence.
Paul Harvey: i vote no.
I can't stand Paul Harvey. Blech.
Have you ever noticed Andy Rooney's eyebrows? They're the size of small houseboats. Huge, untamed things.
--
And again, I channel Larry:
Pretending to be a somewhat frightening-looking television personality is one of life's great and underrated pleasures, much like drinking Welch's purple grape juice. I think that tomorrow I'll pretend to be Rip Torn, one of my favorite character actors.
I rented The Incredibles the other day. Those people at Pixar are amazing - how do they get people to be so small that they fit in my TV? And did they ever find Nemo?
Punky Brewster made quite a name for herself.
King out.
Dang. Go here for all your Larry King needs.
yet one more opinion column critiquing ID. Likewise critiquing the science community's sillyness:
http://www.philly.com/mld/inquirer/news/editorial/12509606.htm
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