Humongo Windows Clusterfuck

This is for all of you holier-than-thou mac people.

sigh

So I waited 18 months to upgrade my desktop from Windows XP1 to Windows XP2. I waited because of the horror stories I had heard and read about people that lost everything when installing the upgrades online. I figured 18 months was plenty reasonable to think that Bill would work out the kinks on his download.

And really, the only reason I decided to upgrade is that I was having trouble networking my new laptop to my desktop, because the laptop has XP2 and my desktop has the unupgraded XP1. Before I loose you all to a pleasant slumber, I will continue.

I upgrade on Thursday. Works like a charm. Glory! Friday comes, and 7 Microsoft updates are ready for download. This, I think, is fine, because that's what happens. They provide updates that are important to download. Since the Thursday work went well and XP2 was up and running, I said, OK, here we go, all is well, run the updates.

Friday: 8 hours. Can't get the fucker to boot up. Not even in safe mode. No start button. No task bar. System Recovery won't work. Program deletions won't work. Driver rollbacks won't work. Three firewalls fighting for supremacy. None can be disabled. Dozens of power shutdowns and hard boots, all of which take a great deal of time.

Saturday: 8 hours. Same. Things are grim. I come to terms with spending money to get my computer fixed. (These guys are a riot, by the way. They get it. Really smart business model. Funny as hell, too. Call the 800 number for a huge laugh.) I look for my original operating system disc in order to reformat my hard drive and probably (though not for sure) lose all of my three years of work on this computer. BUT. I can't find the disc. Threw it away (and I don't throw ANYTHING away). Apparently I do.

So I have a computer that doesn't work at all and no way to reformat it. Now I come to terms with re-buying the operating system I already own. 200 bucks. Plus probably another 200 bucks to fix it. This is what I'm thinking.

Then: I borrow the disc from my father, who has a very similar desktop as mine, with the hope that his disc will work on my computer.

Sunday: I cannot trick my computer into booting from the CD drive. After a few hours, I figure out how. (The gods of love shone through at this moment.) The installation begins. I make my dad get on his hands and knees to read off the 25-digit authenticity code that is stickered to the bottom of his CPU (mind you, while he is making sloppy joes and I am making my sauce). I get the code. That's good enough for the install.

The install goes well. Then the computer and Bill decide that my copy of the system is not authentic. I find my original authenticity code (the gods helped with this, too), and I have to end up on the phone with someone in Bangladesh who is literally asking me how the weather is in Chicago because his system is running slow.

As I am nearing death, the guy in Bangladesh gives me a new code. I press "finish". The computer says "Thank You".

It works.

My data is safe.

I am well again.

P.S. The laptop and desktop are now successfully networked.