In honor of Teo, I will be the one channeling Larry King today. Random thoughts:
1. Recently got back from a visit back east. The extended Pinata family greets the other Hombres, both of whom are fondly remembered and sent warm thoughts and wishes. I was able to enjoy some fall colors, fresh NY apples right from the tree, and generally had a great time. Spent some time in
one of my favorite places on Earth and ate at Doug's Fish Fry. In my perfect world, I would spend half the year there and the other half in America's Finest City.
2. Had to make a grocery store run on Friday night and had to deal with Phil Collins singing "Something Happened on the Way to Heaven" over the store's sound system. To wit:
We had a life, we had a love,
But you don't know what you've got 'til you lose it
Well that was then and this is now
And I want you back
How many times can I say I'm sorry?
Yes, I'm sorry
How can something so good go so bad?
How can something so right go so wrong?
But I don't know, I don't have all the answers
But I want you back
How many times can I say I'm sorry
You can run, and you can hide
But I'm not leaving less you come with me
We've had our problems but I'm on your side
You're all I need, please believe in me Seriously, is there anyone on earth who has as much talent as he does and yet sucks so much? It's like he stopped trying sometime around, oh, maybe 1987 or something. I really lived with his early solo records and had a special place in my heart for Phil, but he just seemed to give up on us right after "No Jacket Required". (On the other hand, "No Jacket Required" included "Sussudio" and "One More Night", so maybe he gave up earlier than I'm suggesting.)
But the guy is so ridiculously talented and it's like he just gets lazy. What irritates me most is that I try really, really hard and still write pretty crappy songs. Phil could actually write brilliant stuff but just doesn't seem to want to put the effort into it to make it happen.
So I bought some liquid ibuprofen while Phil was bugging me.
3. I saw "The Bourne Ultimatum" - or whatever the most recent one was this summer - and I thought it was pretty fun. So Mrs. Pinata and I rented the first movie in the series ("The Bourne Identity"), which was also a fun watch. So, I figured that I'd check out a Ludlum book and see if they were a fun read. Unfortunately, none of the Bourne series was in the library that day, so I picked up Robert Ludlum's "The Tristan Betrayal". Here is what I have learned:
Robert Ludlum died in 2001. This book was published in 2003. So, um, he didn't write this book. I should have picked up on this fact when I saw the little trademark logo next to his name, which indicates that Robert Ludlum is now a brand name like Coca Cola or McDonalds. But I didn't catch that in advance.
Whoever is ghost writing (in this case, as close to a literal sense of the word as is possible) is utterly ridiculous. By way of example, here is the opening sentence of the book:
Moscow, August 1991
The sleek black limousine, with its polycarbonate-laminate bullet-resistant windows and its run-flat tires, its high-tech ceramic armor and dual-hardness carbon-steel armor plate, was jarringly out of place as it pulled into the Bittsevsky forest in the southwest area of the city.Seriously? Really. I'm not kidding. You're serious? That's how you want to open? Any other details of the vehicle you'd care to share?
The sleek limousine, with its dual cigarette lighters, locking glove compartment, finely tuned AM-FM radio, and rough vinyl floor mats... So I barely made it through the first page. But I figured that this whole Ludlum industry must be big for a reason, so I soldiered on through the book, which is 519 pages long. However, I only made it to page 76 before I gave up. Why? Because the following was on page 76:
"But you believe Stalin really trusts Hitler?" Metcalfe shot back. "Those two madmen are like scorpions in a bottle!"
"Indeed, but they need each other," Corcoran said, exhaling smoke through his nostrils luxuriantly.Look, I'm sure the actual Robert Ludlum was the cat's meow with regard to Cold-War-themed spy thrillers, but this crap is ridiculous. I'm not sure which is worse, the "scorpions in a bottle" line or the two word combo "nostrils luxuriantly". (Which is, by the way, a great name for a band. I know we're not allowed to say that anymore, but I can't resist.)
I have given up on the Ludlum book.
4. The Padres broke my heart. The Dolphins and Hurricanes continue to do so. It has been a long fall for me as a sports fan.