Alanis, We Have A Problem
It's not that you are an annoying singer. Because even though you are, you have your own style and I respect that. You sound like you, not like everyone else, and that gets you a lot of points.
It's not that your songs are annoying. Because even though they are, they are also kinda catchy and they stick with you. And lots of people like(d) them, and that counts.
It's not that you look funny. Because even though you do, you are also a very attractive woman, in that bizarre way that only Canadians can look. I have no idea what that means, but it feels right so I'm sticking by it. So that counts.
It's not that you give off an annoyingly precious and pretentious vibe these days, because even though you do, I think you've offered enough substance to be forgiven those sins. Heck, I have a blog. You can do what you want.
It's not that you are held up as the pioneer of grrrrl rock, because even though you are not, the misplaced musical history that has been put on your shoulders is not your fault. That's the fault of bad music journalists that haven't done their homework and/or need to sell new magazines. You didn't blaze a trail, but that's OK...the people that truly blaze trails are few and far between, and that doesn't mean the rest of us can't earn a living. Go ahead and earn. Fine.
The problem, my dear, is that you wrote one great album, your first, and maybe some good parts of some other records that came later. And I can even forgive those sins, because writing good songs is really, really, really hard. But rather than push yourself and keep trying to write and create actually be an artist, you've decided on the worst copout of all: the reworking of an ENTIRE album with nothing but the volume turned down. Hey, they're your songs, and you can do with them what you like. But we're not talking about reworking an album of 30 years ago after you've released 20+ works containing new material. We're talking about 10 years and reworking your one true hit record, when you only have another two or three records in your catalog. We're talking about reworking the tunes the way they'd sound good in Starbucks. Which is fine, but not exactly a challenge, no?
I want more. If you want me to respect you as an artist...which I have done despite how annoying you can be...then I want you to push yourself and surprise me. This is not surprising. This is something I hear for the three minutes it takes me to get a cup of coffee.
The angry rock girl from 1995 is now the artist that is just reworked enough to not piss me off when I need cafeine.
Posted by Teodoro Callate
posted by Teodoro Callate @ 7:20 AM
10 comments
10 Comments:
I have received numerous and lengthy phone rants about her alleged carreer (move?) from my brother in law, brother in music, and brother in hair products.
It's interesting - by reworking an entire album of material, one essentially self-nominate the original for inclusion in the pantheon of great albums. (Tour guide at the rock pantheon: "And here on the left we have Abbey Road...on the right is Dark Side of the Moon...and here is Jagged Little Pill. What the hell is that doing in here?")
I am looking forward to the reissue of Hootie and the Blowfish's "Cracked Rear View". Full symphonic orchestration. How about the electronic reconstruction of Loverboy's "Get Lucky"?
Typo in the first paragraph of the preceding post, sorry. Should read "...one essentially self-nominates..."
Teo, yes, I find this disturbing as well. I have to admit that the original version, for better or worse, helped me through nine months in LA, driving in my Barracuda and singing You Outta Know at the top of my lungs to any number of people who outta have known. But this reissue is a weak idea at best. And I totally get that Canadian attractive thing. I know someone who I believe you also know, who I always think of as Alanis Morrissette if she were really really pretty.
PS I am so glad you guys are back - oops sorry I mean here!
i actually did like her a lot in dogma
b/c she didn't speak
speaking of hair products
Theo try this one:
As far as how you look wearing shorts goes - try gel-ing your leg hair straight. I'm doing it right now. It's sporty looking.
Teodoro, please do not trifle. Go to the source. Look for authenticity. To wit, consider the original Grrl Rawkr:
Salome
The standard for no restraint grrl rawk was set high in 1AD. Salome, daughter of Herodias, stepdaughter of Herod was the ultimate party girrl. Sure, Lil Kim & JoLo flashed their boobies on the runway. While this provided a bored mass TV audience with a moment, it certainly did not inspire today's Caravaggio.
Salome, the enchanting tween rocker demanded the head of a local apocalyptic preacher on a silver platter--the herald of our lord and savior JC, no less. Thus, the bar is held high.
Felicity wear a little band around her wrist that reads “What Would Salome Do?”. Think of what she accomplished. One night, one dance, one bargain, one head, one platter—the world was never the same again.
Britney, Alanis, Christine must elevate their game. I suggest heads on a stick, pronto!!! Karl Rove, Ralph Reed and Jeb Bush would be a good start.
i am SO, SO, SO VERY pleased that felicity has joined up with the Hombres.
Felicity, that is truly an excellent idea.
eight easy steps, that's all it takes.
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