Bigfoot! In the burbs! Yes!

The greatest thing to happen to the far-Chicago suburbs is here.

I saw Bigfoot once. Really. Scared me out of my mind. I was 7 or 8 years old and I was at home. He (She?) was on the Six Million Dollar Man, and Steve Austin was chasing him (her?) and Austin couldn't catch Sasquatch. If Steve Austin couldn't catch Bigfoot, then how could I be safe? And see? I was right. Bigfoot does inhabit the suburbs.