Pondering Psychology
Haven't had a ponderous post in a while. So here's one...
In my world of psychology, I read articles and hear discussions about our "empty selves" and people "bereft of resources" and things like that. That stuff has a place.
One of the things that always interests me is the dichotomy between our popular culture and the professional psychologists. Kevlar may want to weigh in on this, since he is the father of Athletic Pinatas (good band name), but it intrigues me that little league baseball and soccer teams don't always keep score. Many communities don't want their kids to feel the "pain" of losing. The leagues are set up to mandate participation and shelter kids from landing in the "L" column too often.
Psychologists wince at this. While I understand the value of participation for everyone, I also understand the psychological perspective. Why are we teaching kids that they can't handle losing? Why are we sheltering them from understanding hard times, or how to deal with disappointment? No, that stuff isn't the real point of little league...the real point is to have fun. But I recall being on both very good and very bad teams, and I had good years and terrible years, and all in all I wish I were back playing little league baseball and keeping score all over again, even if I were to be losing.
Anyway, I digress. I get the point of having fun, but I don't like sheltering kids to the point where they can't handle (or don't understand) defeat or disappointment. Or that they can't cope with stress. Stuff like that.
Larger picture: Everyone's talking about how it's "too soon" to see a preview of a movie about 9/11, because they can't handle it.
How about this: You can handle it. It's important to handle it. There is a way to handle it. It might not be pleasant or easy. If we could all handle it a bit better, wouldn't that give us a bit more wisdom and serenity and intelligence as we move on through a difficult stage of our lives?
A very good professor of mine remains calm amid a lot of B.S. at my school (there is quite a bit, believe me), and he says, "I don't understand why everyone says students can't handle things. They can handle it. They are adults. People can hear hard stuff and understand it." He says this with compassion and without condescending intent.
Psychology: We can handle things.
I like that approach.
posted by Teodoro Callate @ 4:53 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Hmmm...good post there. Teo's thoughtful and intelligent posts make me rather self-conscious about my goofy input.
The parents who don't want their kids to know if they've won or lost the game obviously aren't living in southern California, or at least the part where I live. Everybody keeps score where we live.
Dealing with losing is really important, and it's hard to learn how to do that when you don't actually know that you've lost. My older son is in a somewhat more intense baseball league this year - one where they keep score, of course, but also one where not everyone gets to play equal amounts and certainly not at every position. He's younger than many, if not most, on his team, and he has had to deal with sitting on the bench somewhat regularly for the first time. And his response has made me very proud: he sprints to his position when he does get put in the game, he hustles into the batter's box, sprints to first when he gets a hit (or a bunt), and keeps a positive attitude about the whole thing. Our mantra is simple: attitude, hustle, and focus. Those turn out to be transferable to many other pursuits - or at least that's been my experience.
And here's the thing: I don't have some deep-seated expectation that my son will play professional baseball. I was a fairly unremarkable athlete in my pursuits (cross country and lacrosse), so I don't expect children pulling from my gene pool to be little Derek Jeters. But I do expect him to deal with adversity, and part of that is that he has to be aware of the adversity. He can deal, and he'll learn that best by dealing (with the encouragement of Mr. and Mrs. Pinata, his littler Pinata brother, friends, family, and good coaches, of course.) I have no desire to shield him from adversity; in fact, I do him a disservice if I do.
We can handle things. Indeed, we can.
Good post, Teo.
Let us not forget that I like to post about the bread that flies out of my toaster with great velocity.
I agree T. Have you also heard that many schools are banning the game of tag, because it lends itself to bullying? As though there aren't nineteenhamillion other venues for bullying?
Adversity, impedance, resistance all good for growth.
Bring on the 9/11 movie
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