Not a Punchline in Sight

Friday marked my last day at the VA. My one-year rotation is up, and I'm moving on. After six months in the outpatient clinic and five-plus months in the inpatient psychiatric unit--I did diagnostics as well as individual and group therapy on both rotations--I am left with the feeling that I have just scratched the surface of what I'm really trying to learn. This was the most profound experience of my working life, and it was easily the most important work I've ever done. Nothing is a close second.

It really was a remarkable experience, in that it was exceptionally hard, but unbelievably rewarding. Some days I came home and worried, worried, worried. I was moved to many throat-lumps and more than a few tears during the actual work when on the job, and I stayed awake at night thinking about the people with whom I worked more than a few times. There were some moments that were very much life-or-death. There were times when I was very green--an absolute novice. Scared and unsure and insecure.

But at the same time, the work was phenomenal, the staff was brilliant, and the Vets were the best group of people I've had the honor to work with.

I will miss that place. Tuesday will come, and I will be sad not to have the 6:00 a.m. wake-up call and traffic tie-up on the way to the VA.

Contrary to popular belief, I will very likely never make any real money at this job...I'll be able to pay back my loans over a couple decades and I'll be able to pay my rent, and that's about it. But if I leave the hardest job I've ever had, after it brought me to tears and wore me out after working many long, emotional hours for free...and yet I will miss it? Badly?

What that means is that for the next two years, as my finances crumble and my personal life disintigrates into a tiny box as I finish classes and I write a dissertation and apply for the 300 jobs in a pool of 700 highly qualified people (internship), I will still have no doubt whatsoever that I really really really really really want to do this forever.