Oh yeah. In case you can't figure it out, Vin is the Italian one, Kevlar is the one with the stolen double bass (look at that guilt on his face), and Teo is the one "accidentally" giving us all the finger.
I put that picture as March-ish of 1989, which means Vin and I had just turned 20, and Kevlar was a mullet-wearing 19-year-old with enough hubris to pretend that he played classical double bass for the South Florida Symphony Orchestra.
I am so tortured by that memory. Ugh. I know that my good friends and shipmates have fond memories of that weekend (at least I think they do), I am utterly shamed by it. Honestly, it gives me pains.
Here's the scoop: My two percussionist friends were invited to play for the "classical cruise" on the ship, and the orchestra (really, a chamber group) needed an upright player. I had to find a way onto that boat, so I borrowed an upright bass and talked the contractor into hiring me.
Here's the thing - I can't play upright. And by that, I'm not just being modest - I really mean that I am not capable of playing the instrument. It would be as if I had been hired to juggle and make party animals from balloons. I don't know how to do either of those things, so I shouldn't accept work doing it.
I didn't spend any time practicing or preparing, so I went into the rehearsal unprepared and incapable of playing the instrument. And, as it turns out, the conductor was on to me after about ten seconds. Correctly, he ripped me up and down and publicly. I learned a valuable lesson, or, rather, multiple lessons.
In life . . . sometimes the call comes before the preperation. Sailor.
I'm still proud of you Kevlar for taking it like a man and learning that thing on the spot. You did not cower and stay home. Oh no. You may not remember but you rose above the bar of expectation. None of the druken vacationers were even suspect to your multi-tasking education right before their eyes. If they were, then they weren't nearly relaxed enough to even qualify to be there.
Two points still rewarded to Kevlar for learning the upright bass and still managing to have a good time.
Yes. Kev gets points. I recall that he borrowed a bow from one person (to play the classical parts) and borrowed the double bass from someone else. That someone else was a jazz musician, and he had the type of strings on the instrument that really can't be bowed, no matter how much rosin Kev used. So for much of rehearsal and performance, I remember the conductor in absolute disbelief that there was literally NO sound coming from Kev's instrument. It should be noted that Kev was the only double bassist on the gig. Which meant that there really weren't any double bass parts being played.
In an orchestra. For a cruise performance. For a few hundred people. In a very nice room.
In addition to the three Hombres completely jiving our way onto the weekend cruise, Kev jived his way into Vin and Teo's room. I recall that we kicked an oboeist out of our room to ensure that we'd be together. (I also recall that Kev did not, ahm, adjust well to the sea on the first night out of port. But I digress before I begin.)
So the three Hombres are traipsing around, lying to people, manipulating a free weekend in the Bahamas, and...well...drinking...just because we were 20 and we wanted to do that. How could you say no?
First night buffet dinner comes, and the three Hombres sit down at a table with the kicked-out oboeist as well as a clarinetist and his daughter, who was 14 and along for the fun of it. Everyone is uncomfortable. No one knows what to say. Not a flowing conversation.
But we persevere through the rolls and salad. Then the main course comes, and the 14 year old, in all her idealistic glory, states to the waiter that she didn't want the buffet because she's a vegetarian and all the food has meat in it. So can he please bring two baked potatoes?
How sweet, I think. Very nice. Really. And I think that this is good fodder for conversation.
Teo pipes up: "Oh, you're a vegetarian?" 14 year old girl: "Yes." Teo: "Cool. We have a friend in music school who used to be a vegetarian, but she quit because she decided she didn't want to be such a pain in the ass." Table: silence. Hombres: Get up and leave, looking at the floor.
I swear to God, to this day, that I was just trying to make conversation. Didn't quite work out that way, though.
Oh yes, I forgot that we booted the oboist so that we could share quarters on the pirate's ship. Yar.
And there's more:
We went - stumbled, really - into the midnight buffet, which is possibly the worst idea ever (unlimited eating late at night) and proceeded to bring way too much food to our table. Once at the table, I believe we were loud - much, much louder than was appropriate for the setting (but probably not too loud for three drunken college boys). A young lady at our table suggested that we were being somewhat "abby-noxious". Teo, bless him, went ballistic: "Abbynoxious? Abby-f***ing noxious???!!!" He stormed off. Vinnissimo and I exchanged quick glances and stumbled off after our fellow hombre. If memory serves, we went back to the bar. (Teo: Am I remembering correctly?)
Additional facts/points/observations:
1. I still tell people about giving the bartender my credit card and recklessly ordering rounds for the house. It took me a long time to pay off that bill. It was the hubris of youth - and a strong desire to act like a Roman emperor ("More wine! Bring on the amusements!") The charge from Saturday night alone was something like $350 or so.
2. I think the whole jazz strings/rosin/bowing thing is probably not true. I think I made that claim up to cover for myself. Someone who had a clue how to play probably could have done just fine with the setup I had.
3. I did throw up the first night on the boat, but it was from legitimate seasickness.
4. Teo and Vinnissimo played quite well, if memory serves. There was also a very good violin soloist.
5. The vegetarian/pain in the ass comment still makes me laugh to this day.
6. There is probably a blog out there in which three drunken college musicians are pilloried by an angry oboist.
I don't remember Vinnissimo doing anything he later regretted (at least with regard to this adventure) - am I overlooking something?
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Bassbob Rosinpants.
Kevlar, I have no regrets. But at the time I could have worked it differently.
That Paco Rabane's nightmare shirt needed a different torso. Two words Vin - free weights. Would they have worked? Probably not. What with me going grocery shopping and buying only sugary snacks for two weeks. Did the acid wash chemicals from those jeans affect my balls or my brains? Forget the drums, buy a passenger ticket for that Jessica, and see you music queers at brunch. Did not happen.
So, no regrets for me or any of us - rosin and gut strings included. All of these quirks make it interesting and memorable. It would be dull to remember us all playing perfectly and getting laid so much that we didn't have time to goof off with eachother. Right?
Indeed, the Abby******Noxious story is true. I was going to share that, but then I didn't, so it's probably good that Kev did.
And since Vin alluded to it, I'll come clean: One night, in a haze of the side-effects of my own credit card tab at the bar, I was trying very, very hard to have sex with a strange woman. Needless to say, I did not have said sex with the woman. Not even close. At the time, I remember being quite sad. Then, and please don't hate me for this, I saw her on the beach the next day, and I remember mentioning to my fellow Hombres that on second thought, maybe it was okay that I had failed in my attempt to have the sex.
I remember going snorkeling, and Vin literally turned blue. I'm not kidding. Totally blue. Almost purple.
And THEN, after all of those stories and drinking and turning blue...THEN is when we put on our tuxes to be full fledged members of the South Florida Symphony Orchestra.
I'm pretty sure we were not called back for more gigs.
Indeed, we were never called back. No surprise there.
I remember snorkling as well. Fun. Vin was blue. Honestly - he was a deep dark blue. Bloo. The snorkling pro (or whatever he was) said not to point at the bigger fish because they used to be fed hot dogs or something and liked to bite fingers. That seemed like a good enough warning for me.
Oh...no...that is very much me, and every story here is very much true. The unbelievable thing is that this was all over a three day period. Friday afternoon to Monday morning, I believe. I had a test on Monday. I actually studied after the show on Sunday night on the ship. Totally true.
The pic looks weird because Kev was by himself in the shot, and Vin and I were together, and I think Vin spliced the two pics together back in the day before photoshop existed. And by "spliced," I think I mean "glued."
smuss 1. She was drunk making up words when Kevlar and I had to restrain Teo from reaching across the table for her neck. 2. Teo and I happened to be walking up the deck together and Kevlar was ahead of us or behind us when they snapped the pictures. I made color copies and spliced the two pics together. Hence the two terminals.
Teo "Then, and please don't hate me for this, I saw her on the beach the next day, and I remember mentioning to my fellow Hombres that on second thought, maybe it was okay that I had failed in my attempt to have the sex."
remember your above statement followed mine - please don't hate me too much
"Aren't you glad you didn't wake up next to that?"
This is one of those funny recollections - the line ("aren't you glad you didn't wake up next to that") is so good that I have it in my brain that I said it. It's likely that Vin said it and I just wished I had because it was so darn funny.
I did turn blue 1. because I was cold and had no measurable body fat and 2. because of all of the blow pops that I ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner causing a kind of blue scurvy 3. D.S.B. 4. a common reaction between salt water acid washed balls
30 Comments:
Oh man.
I am laughing WAY TOO HARD right now.
I'll share a story from that picture soon enough. Stay tuned.
Oh yeah. In case you can't figure it out, Vin is the Italian one, Kevlar is the one with the stolen double bass (look at that guilt on his face), and Teo is the one "accidentally" giving us all the finger.
Do you still have this picture? Do tell the story.
Can't do the story justice now. But the other day I was thinking of sharing it for fun anyway. As I said...stay tuned...
That is some hunky eighties hair you got goin' on there, Teo. Swayze would be proud.
Who needs world drumming domination when your hair is dominate enough?
I put that picture as March-ish of 1989, which means Vin and I had just turned 20, and Kevlar was a mullet-wearing 19-year-old with enough hubris to pretend that he played classical double bass for the South Florida Symphony Orchestra.
Good. God.
Oh. My. Good. God. This makes my leggings and shoulderpads look pretty cute.
Ah, shoulder pads ...
They even put them in the "Misses" sized clothes, and even I could tell that thirteen year olds looked pretty retarded in shoulder pads.
I remember cutting them out of the shoulders, once, and sticking them into my training bra. But that looked equally retarded. Almost.
I have to agree with lb
Teo's hair is dominating the photo
*audible groan*
I am so tortured by that memory. Ugh. I know that my good friends and shipmates have fond memories of that weekend (at least I think they do), I am utterly shamed by it. Honestly, it gives me pains.
Here's the scoop: My two percussionist friends were invited to play for the "classical cruise" on the ship, and the orchestra (really, a chamber group) needed an upright player. I had to find a way onto that boat, so I borrowed an upright bass and talked the contractor into hiring me.
Here's the thing - I can't play upright. And by that, I'm not just being modest - I really mean that I am not capable of playing the instrument. It would be as if I had been hired to juggle and make party animals from balloons. I don't know how to do either of those things, so I shouldn't accept work doing it.
I didn't spend any time practicing or preparing, so I went into the rehearsal unprepared and incapable of playing the instrument. And, as it turns out, the conductor was on to me after about ten seconds. Correctly, he ripped me up and down and publicly. I learned a valuable lesson, or, rather, multiple lessons.
Ugh. It still pains me. I was so stupid.
In life . . . sometimes the call comes before the preperation. Sailor.
I'm still proud of you Kevlar for taking it like a man and learning that thing on the spot. You did not cower and stay home. Oh no. You may not remember but you rose above the bar of expectation. None of the druken vacationers were even suspect to your multi-tasking education right before their eyes. If they were, then they weren't nearly relaxed enough to even qualify to be there.
Two points still rewarded to Kevlar for learning the upright bass and still managing to have a good time.
Yes. Kev gets points. I recall that he borrowed a bow from one person (to play the classical parts) and borrowed the double bass from someone else. That someone else was a jazz musician, and he had the type of strings on the instrument that really can't be bowed, no matter how much rosin Kev used. So for much of rehearsal and performance, I remember the conductor in absolute disbelief that there was literally NO sound coming from Kev's instrument. It should be noted that Kev was the only double bassist on the gig. Which meant that there really weren't any double bass parts being played.
In an orchestra.
For a cruise performance.
For a few hundred people.
In a very nice room.
Another cruise story.
In addition to the three Hombres completely jiving our way onto the weekend cruise, Kev jived his way into Vin and Teo's room. I recall that we kicked an oboeist out of our room to ensure that we'd be together. (I also recall that Kev did not, ahm, adjust well to the sea on the first night out of port. But I digress before I begin.)
So the three Hombres are traipsing around, lying to people, manipulating a free weekend in the Bahamas, and...well...drinking...just because we were 20 and we wanted to do that. How could you say no?
First night buffet dinner comes, and the three Hombres sit down at a table with the kicked-out oboeist as well as a clarinetist and his daughter, who was 14 and along for the fun of it. Everyone is uncomfortable. No one knows what to say. Not a flowing conversation.
But we persevere through the rolls and salad. Then the main course comes, and the 14 year old, in all her idealistic glory, states to the waiter that she didn't want the buffet because she's a vegetarian and all the food has meat in it. So can he please bring two baked potatoes?
How sweet, I think. Very nice. Really. And I think that this is good fodder for conversation.
Teo pipes up: "Oh, you're a vegetarian?"
14 year old girl: "Yes."
Teo: "Cool. We have a friend in music school who used to be a vegetarian, but she quit because she decided she didn't want to be such a pain in the ass."
Table: silence.
Hombres: Get up and leave, looking at the floor.
I swear to God, to this day, that I was just trying to make conversation. Didn't quite work out that way, though.
I some how remember that - through a fog of drink that when beyond my pocket cash and onto my credit card. A pirates life for me.
The rosin. I forgot about the rosin. I can't breathe right now - sorry!
Oh yes, I forgot that we booted the oboist so that we could share quarters on the pirate's ship. Yar.
And there's more:
We went - stumbled, really - into the midnight buffet, which is possibly the worst idea ever (unlimited eating late at night) and proceeded to bring way too much food to our table. Once at the table, I believe we were loud - much, much louder than was appropriate for the setting (but probably not too loud for three drunken college boys). A young lady at our table suggested that we were being somewhat "abby-noxious". Teo, bless him, went ballistic: "Abbynoxious? Abby-f***ing noxious???!!!" He stormed off. Vinnissimo and I exchanged quick glances and stumbled off after our fellow hombre. If memory serves, we went back to the bar. (Teo: Am I remembering correctly?)
Additional facts/points/observations:
1. I still tell people about giving the bartender my credit card and recklessly ordering rounds for the house. It took me a long time to pay off that bill. It was the hubris of youth - and a strong desire to act like a Roman emperor ("More wine! Bring on the amusements!") The charge from Saturday night alone was something like $350 or so.
2. I think the whole jazz strings/rosin/bowing thing is probably not true. I think I made that claim up to cover for myself. Someone who had a clue how to play probably could have done just fine with the setup I had.
3. I did throw up the first night on the boat, but it was from legitimate seasickness.
4. Teo and Vinnissimo played quite well, if memory serves. There was also a very good violin soloist.
5. The vegetarian/pain in the ass comment still makes me laugh to this day.
6. There is probably a blog out there in which three drunken college musicians are pilloried by an angry oboist.
I don't remember Vinnissimo doing anything he later regretted (at least with regard to this adventure) - am I overlooking something?
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Bassbob Rosinpants.
"That is some hunky eighties hair you got goin' on there, Teo. "
yes, I seem to recall (though my memory is fading fast, old-age, you know) that Teo was at one time quite the hunk. as for what happened later.....
I pronounce this:
The. Best. Thread. Evah!
Kevlar, I have no regrets. But at the time I could have worked it differently.
That Paco Rabane's nightmare shirt needed a different torso. Two words Vin - free weights. Would they have worked? Probably not. What with me going grocery shopping and buying only sugary snacks for two weeks. Did the acid wash chemicals from those jeans affect my balls or my brains? Forget the drums, buy a passenger ticket for that Jessica, and see you music queers at brunch. Did not happen.
So, no regrets for me or any of us - rosin and gut strings included. All of these quirks make it interesting and memorable. It would be dull to remember us all playing perfectly and getting laid so much that we didn't have time to goof off with eachother. Right?
Indeed, the Abby******Noxious story is true. I was going to share that, but then I didn't, so it's probably good that Kev did.
And since Vin alluded to it, I'll come clean: One night, in a haze of the side-effects of my own credit card tab at the bar, I was trying very, very hard to have sex with a strange woman. Needless to say, I did not have said sex with the woman. Not even close. At the time, I remember being quite sad. Then, and please don't hate me for this, I saw her on the beach the next day, and I remember mentioning to my fellow Hombres that on second thought, maybe it was okay that I had failed in my attempt to have the sex.
I remember going snorkeling, and Vin literally turned blue. I'm not kidding. Totally blue. Almost purple.
And THEN, after all of those stories and drinking and turning blue...THEN is when we put on our tuxes to be full fledged members of the South Florida Symphony Orchestra.
I'm pretty sure we were not called back for more gigs.
Indeed, we were never called back. No surprise there.
I remember snorkling as well. Fun. Vin was blue. Honestly - he was a deep dark blue. Bloo. The snorkling pro (or whatever he was) said not to point at the bigger fish because they used to be fed hot dogs or something and liked to bite fingers. That seemed like a good enough warning for me.
Oh...no...that is very much me, and every story here is very much true. The unbelievable thing is that this was all over a three day period. Friday afternoon to Monday morning, I believe. I had a test on Monday. I actually studied after the show on Sunday night on the ship. Totally true.
The pic looks weird because Kev was by himself in the shot, and Vin and I were together, and I think Vin spliced the two pics together back in the day before photoshop existed. And by "spliced," I think I mean "glued."
Oh yeah...Abbeynoxious...I think it was a take on Abbeynormal. Or, if you recall: A.B. Normal. From Young Frankenstein.
Though she called me Abbeynoxious and I added the other injective to give it more color. I was nothing if not colorful on the ship that weekend.
smuss
1. She was drunk making up words when Kevlar and I had to restrain Teo from reaching across the table for her neck.
2. Teo and I happened to be walking up the deck together and Kevlar was ahead of us or behind us when they snapped the pictures. I made color copies and spliced the two pics together. Hence the two terminals.
Why was I by myself? I can't remember. I think it was because I was carrying that giant upright bass.
Why is my shirt buttoned to the top like that? For Pete's sake, we were in Miami. Sigh. It's a wonder I ever met a girl in my life.
I believe I am wearing a silk shirt (blouse) with musical notes all over it.
Within two minutes we all posted.
Miss you guys. *sniff*
Took me years to meet a girl. Gee, I wonder why?
We are in a strange blogging vortex right now.
Teo
"Then, and please don't hate me for this, I saw her on the beach the next day, and I remember mentioning to my fellow Hombres that on second thought, maybe it was okay that I had failed in my attempt to have the sex."
remember your above statement followed mine - please don't hate me too much
"Aren't you glad you didn't wake up next to that?"
This is one of those funny recollections - the line ("aren't you glad you didn't wake up next to that") is so good that I have it in my brain that I said it. It's likely that Vin said it and I just wished I had because it was so darn funny.
I did turn blue
1. because I was cold and had no measurable body fat and
2. because of all of the blow pops that I ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner causing a kind of blue scurvy
3. D.S.B.
4. a common reaction between salt water acid washed balls
No! No.
Ohhhhhhh no.
My oh my.
The ramifications of a lost weekend reach far and wide for years and years.
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